Not that I really blame anyone or even get upset, it's just another reminder of all the delicious foods I'm not eating. But I just keep focusing on the wins:
- 1 more day down, 360 (probably) to go, WIN!
- Every liter of water I finish is a WIN!
- Wearing all my cute clothes now cause I'm about to swim in them! WIN!
- Calling a loved one to tell them what I'm doing and getting 100% support and happiness, WIN!
- Enjoying the Hot Chocolate shake so much that I know I can keep doing this, WIN!
- Making plans for next summers vacation at the shore knowing I can do all the thing I really want to do...WIN!
- Knowing my flight next year won't make me scared/mortified that I'm gonna not fit in the seats or bother the persons next to me...WIN!!
- Feeling thinner simply because I've started something so extreme...WIN!
- Proud that I'm doing this and it's something so hard and yet I know I'm committed...WIN
These are the constant tapes running through my head right now. I have to have them in order to not break down and just eat something. Even writing this blog has the side effects of reminding me what its like to bite into food (the fasting diet consists of only fluids), dip into sauce, etc. Have you ever tried to not eat for 1 day, 2, 3, 5? Do you watch survivor and see them starve, talking about food incessantly? I'm the one who would be so angry at them cause their talking about food would drive me nuts! lol! Well, that's what this diet essentially is, though I am getting 400 calories more than Survivor contestants normally get with a few scoops of rice.
Speaking of Survivor (sorry for the random tangent), one friend said to me "you know, you should apply to Survivor before you are done with the fasting, that way by the time you get there you will be like "This is easy people!!". lol! Never would do it, but hilarious to imagine.
Another issue is that I have no problem telling everyone what's going on or what I am doing, I'm excited! I want to share and I don't want people shocked when they see me start to get thinner so quickly. But me telling is totally different than people asking. For some reasons the questions irritate me and I have no really valid reason why, it just does. Or they ask questions I don't know the answer to "How long will you be on it, when can you start eating food, what's your doctors name, what do the shakes taste like, do you think you can do it, are you gonna be OK only drinking the shakes, why will it be so long?" all those questions irritate me, though there is nothing wrong with people asking. I wish I knew why it bothered me so much. Especially since I am an open book about almost everything, including this.
Post Weight-loss Skin:
A HUGE concern (pun intended) is my skin afterwards. I will look like a deflated balloon. This has always been my concern. I will start saving now but I do't want to look like a human Shar Pei. lol! I'm terrified of my post weight-loss body. I know I will be wearing a fully body Spanx, that I will be like a human accordion of flesh. Coming to terms with this, accepting it and knowing I have a plan of action to rectify it is SOOO important for my motivation. I see this whole process as most likely taking about 2.5 years. 1 year to lose all the weight. 1 year to keep the weight off and prove myself a good candidate for the skin reduction surgery. 6 months to perform the surgeries and recover. This takes me to Christmas of 2014, I'll be 41 by then. That's an acceptable time-frame - and probably way too aggressive! lol! But goals sweetie, goals.
Anyway, good 5th day, though I now know I can't stand the tomato soup. It's so salty, I now just toss it down as fast as I can. The chocolate, heated up, is like Ovaltine. It's so good, I will probably order the Chocolate and Strawberry for next week. Good thing I've always been someone who gets the same thing over and over!
Also resisting the urge to weigh myself, I want that gratification of a weekly acknowledgement of my losses. lol!
I realized last week that M-F 5pm - 6pm is the worst "food obsessing" time for me. That's when my brain starts it's Food Trailer, like a movie trailer but all about food. Speaking of which, after all this talk about food, it's time for me to have a shake!! Laters!
Oh, P.S.
I have to mention how supportive people are and how amazing my friends and family have been. They are so happy for me, so excited and ready to be there if I need them. I've received flowers, presents and so much support. Their support means so much and is another reason to do this. I know they have all been worried that I was going to kill myself with food and now they can finally stop worrying so much and be excited for me. This is amazing. I first thought this was all about me and my goals for what I want to do and activities I've missed, but it's also about them. To see that pride and happiness? I might just become addicted. :) Love them all so much!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment